My first STD was from a foam party
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
