y did u give ur computer a hand job?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize