New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
