Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
