Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
