I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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