I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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