just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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