I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
