..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
