do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
