You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
