I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
