im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
