if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I had to cum in my sink.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
