haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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