I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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