My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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