just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
