Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
