did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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