You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
