Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
