that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
