I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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