Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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