These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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