Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
my poor anus
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
