Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
