I'm going to rape someone's good day.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
