You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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