i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
