my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
