man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
