well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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