I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
