Moan for me like Helen Keller
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
