Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize