This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this just has baby written all over it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize
