U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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