This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
