i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
