are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
