I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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