You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
