that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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