U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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