Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize