Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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