OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
