I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
