Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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