Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
