yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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