do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize