I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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