Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The Olympian is in my bed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
