so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
