I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
