Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
