Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
