True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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