I just threw up on my dentist
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
