You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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