What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
