So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
