I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
