When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
