i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
