I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
