I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
