i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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