i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
