I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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