"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize