Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
