I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
