she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
