Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
