She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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