guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize