They should really pass out barf bags in church
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize