I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
