alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
