well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
