Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i will never coherently bang her
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
