I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
