Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
