We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
