I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
