he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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