I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
