I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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