Got a toothbrush?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize