Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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