I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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