Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
