if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
