i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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