3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
