thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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