Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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