Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
