WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
