she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
