apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The air taste purple.
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