My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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