I wanna bring you to show and tell
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
