I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
