dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
