Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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