She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
