If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize