Fuck appropriateness.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
