singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
