and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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